I started thinking about what things we might hear a kender say
if he/she found himself/herself in the Greyhawk campaign. Here's some quips
I came up with:
Taunts about the major personages:
Mordenkainen, wizard extraordinare: Time for a "Create hair" spell or something my man!
Iuz, demigod and evil emperor: Looking at you, I guess "cambion" must be a fancy word for "really ugly" huh?
Halga, high priestess of Iuz: Iuz's high priestess my arse, we all know what what it's like between you and him. *wink, wink*
Vecna, supreme lich and god of secrets: Gee, I guess losing your hand hurt you in more ways than one. Now you can't do any more, uh, never mind.
Nerof Gasgal, lord mayor of the City of Greyhawk: See everyone! If the bastard son of a half-orc and a 2-copper whore can become mayor of the City of Greyhawk, imagine what you can do!
Glodreddi Bakkanin, inspector of taxes for the City of Greyhawk, a dwarf with a bad attitude: Look, an ugly halfling!
Taunts about the power groups:
Circle of Eight: You guys call yourselves the greatest wizards on Oerth, but look at you, you can't even count! There's 9 of you! Hello!
The Horned Socitey: You know, if you guys just changed your name to "The Horny Society," your popularity would soar!
Knights of the Hart: What kind of a name is that? Judging from that name, you guys must go off to fight evil wearing miniskirts instead of armor.
People of the Testing: Hmm, is the test multiple choice?
Scarlet Brotherhood: What do you call a blond whore with her robe still on?...A Scarlet Brotherhood monk.
Taunts about religions
Beltar, goddess of caves: you guys must like dark, empty spaces a lot. Look inside your heads for example.
Beory, goddess of the world: Spinning 'round and 'round and moving through an empty space. I'm talking about a thought in one of your heads, not the planet.
Boccob, god of magic: No wonder they call you guys uncaring, have you smelled yourselves lately?
Bralm, goddess of insects: Excuse me, Mr. Bug Priest! I think you'd better arrange a funeral. (points to squashed bug on sole of boot) I just squashed your mom with my boot!
Erythnul, god of slaughter: If I had a face as ugly as yours, I'd want to go out and kick someone's ass too!
Incabulos, goddess of diesase: Well, if you people don't bathe yourselves, of course you're gonna get sick!
Kord, god of strength: Wow! You guys really are strong! But smell isn't everything.
Nerull, god of death: you can put the scythe down, sir, I imagine your breath will be enough to do me in.
Olidammara, god of rogues: If I had a face like yours, I'd wear a mask too. But I think it'd be a mask of tragedy, not comedy.
Pholtus, god of law: You're wrong! Ha!
Wee Jas, goddess of death and magic: (on entering a temple) I wasn't looking for the red-light district, but as long as I'm here...
I tried looking up the term "Priest of Wee Jas" in the dictionary. It said, "See 'Whore'".
Wenta, goddess of ale: Goin' a little heavy on the sauce, aren't you pal?
You call this ale? Elves drink stronger stuff than this!
As always, feel free to send me some examples of what wisdom you think a kender might impart to the world of Oerth!